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Recap: WWE Raw – 8th July 2013

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In-Ring Segment

Vickie Guerrero cuts a promo to tout her accomplishments on the day of her performance evaluation by the McMahon’s (also known as a public humiliation). In a stunning display of athleticism, she cuts her promo from the top of a ladder; a nice callback to the time Eddie Guerrero did the same. This promo leads directly to…

Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

Bryan remains over as heck, and Sheamus continues to receive scattered X-Pac heat.

Bryan pins Sheamus clean with a roll-up; in a shocking twist, Sheamus decides to NOT kick Bryan in the head post-match.

Backstage

AJ Lee is stressing about Kaitlyn coming after her and Big E Langston says that she’s “buggin'”, which made me laugh for some reason. Dolph Ziggler shows up to make out with AJ, blurring the lines between face and heel, and confusing all.

The Shield (Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns) vs. Tons of Funk

Tensai cranks out a Baldo Bomb which had me fleetingly think TOF may get a shock victory, but Reigns picks up the obvious win with a spear to Sweet T.

It’s a sad state of affairs when Tensai had more tag team success together with Scotty 2 Hotty 10 years ago than he does now with Brodus Clay. Hip Hop Hippo > Sweet T.

Vignette

Throughout the night we are shown clips of an unknown reporter trying to track down The Wyatt Family, coming across rednecks and other Deliverance style creepiness.

These are akin to the terrible Cactus Jack “Lost in Cleveland” skits from mid-90’s WCW, but they are produced, you know, effectively.

In-Ring Promo

John Cena calls out Mark Henry. Cena cracks jokes about Snickers bars instead of taking things seriously, which I refer to as “Reasons People Hate Cena #1”. Henry says he’d sell out his own mama to get the WWE Title.

Just like in a Bugs Bunny/Yosemite Sam cartoon, Cena marks a line in the ring with his foot, daring Henry to cross it. Henry obliges and squashes Cena, because he’s always been a Woody Woodpecker man.

Chris Jericho vs. Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman

The Miz distracts Axel enough so Jericho can lay him out with a Codebreaker for Axel’s first loss under his new moniker.

Heyman was rocking shades at ringside apparently due to Alberto Del Rio decking him last week on Smackdown.

Backstage

Slight dissension is teased between Rhodes and Sandow as the competitors of the second-tier Money in the Bank ladder match gather. Segment ends with Wade Barrett knocking out Fandango.

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio

The crowd is absolutely dead for this match, which doesn’t bode well for either man, but especially Cara. The Sin Cara experiment may be over.

Dolph Ziggler comes out mid-match which shuts down the stupid Sin Cara mood lighting. This needs to happen always! Ziggler is jaw-jacking on the mic for the remainder of the match and then it just… ends. Massive schmozz.

In-Ring Segment: Vickie Guerrero’s Job Evaluation

This overlong, terrible segment ends with Vickie Guerrero removed from her position as Managing Supervisor of Raw and is replaced with, in a stroke of unexpected genius, her assistant Brad Maddox! Vickie cries, nobody told her that THERE’S NO CRYING IN WRESTLING! Mr. McMahon throws his jacket over her and escorts her out of the arena.

Backstage

A scorned Vickie attacks Maddox and screeches like a banshee because… females, or something. McMahon wants his jacket back off the crazy lady.

Kane vs. Christian

This match would have main evented Sunday Night Heat in 1998. Kane pins Christian after a chokeslam.

Bray Wyatt appears on the Titantron and cuts an intense promo, finishing it by lighting a lantern and stating, “We’re here.”

The Wyatt Family then make their way to the ring with no lighting bar the lantern held by Bray, which gives off a fairly unique vibe. They take out Kane with the ring steps to the head, sending him on an extended sabbatical. Excellent debut for this group!

The crowd chants for Husky Harris, because smarks ruin wrestling.

Backstage

Vickie is leaving with a box of her belongings and Ryback stops and hugs her. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING WITH THE RYBACK CHARACTER?

AJ Lee w/ Big E Langston & Alicia Fox vs. Kaitlyn & Layla

Alicia Fox continues her gimmick of flipping between heel and face week-by-week. It is a gimmick, right?

Kaitlyn ANNIHILATES AJ with a spear outside the ride and breaks her in half. This match never actually ended because not even the bookers care about the Divas Division.

Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

It’s the battle of the Wolverine chops! Decent match, ending with Punk pinning Orton after a GTS.

Post-match, Daniel Bryan appears and attacks both men, climbs a ladder and grabs the briefcase that’s been hanging over the ring all night. Heaps Symbolic!

Award - The GoldThe Wyatt Family’s debut was simply phenomenal! Extraordinary vibe, and characters that are unique and interesting. Their first appearance made an impression that will not soon be forgotten.
Award - The Shockmaster The Vickie Guerrero segments were dull, brutal, and lacked the comedy in which they thought was there, but the Divas match was simply terrible top to bottom. A sloppy, short match with no real ending as well as the Bella Twins on commentary tearing apart their own division was not worth the TV time.
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