Top 10 Expendables Expansions

This article was published on the original Sorry I’m Late.com on 04/08/2010.

Luke Miksa's: The Negative Space Bar

The ExpendablesWith the imminent release of Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables mere weeks away, one has to only look at the cast to notice that it is a veritable who’s who of testosterone drippers from yesterday and today (mainly yesterday):

The Expendables
Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Eric Roberts, ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin, and Randy Couture.

Now, that’s a heck of a line-up! Stallone has done well in casting this throwback-epic of 80’s action nostalgia, and although it would be impossible to do so, imagine if the budget was expanded to add additional ammo (i.e. more pecs and biceps). Robert Rodriguez’s similarly themed Danny Trejo vehicle Machete picks up a few leftovers, and in turn creates a cast that is of a calibre to be just as bragadocious:

Machete
Danny Trejo, Robert DeNiro, Don Johnson, Steven Seagal, Jeff Fahey, Tom Savini, and Michelle Rodriguez.

Most impressive, though there are still a few names that spring to mind that I feel are left out. Although a couple of these names were indeed linked to this project at one point or another, here is Sorry I’m Late.com’s Top 10 Expendables Expansions:

Honourable Mentions: Bruce Campbell, Nicolas Cage, Jon Voight, Benicio Del Toro, Peter Stormare, Antonio Banderas

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10
Wesley Snipes

Wesley Snipes

Bursting on the scene as Willie Mays Hayes in 1989’s Major League, Snipes made a career throughout the 90’s in a string of fairly successful action/action-comedies, which showcased his martial arts skills as well as his on screen insanity and occasional comic turns. In the past decade, the master of intense method-acting has only had the intermittently decent Blade franchise as his only significant line of work. With all his legal trouble and jail time, nobody knows if he can make a big-screen comeback, all I know is that he has the nicest mug-shot ever taken…

Snipes Mug Shot

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Retro Review: John Carpenter’s They Live (1988)

This article was published on the original Sorry I’m Late.com on 22/07/09.

They Live

An unemployed drifter on the move, George Nada (Piper) finds work labouring in an LA construction site as well as discovering some lodging at a local shantytown. Soon Nada discovers that a nearby church is a front for a mysterious rebel group which possess motives of unknown nature. When the shantytown and the rebel front is bombarded and destroyed by police, Nada finds something that the insurgent group was stockpiling – rad 80’s sunglasses. These sunglasses, however, hold much darker secrets – they allow the wearer the see the world as it truly is – full of subliminal advertising aimed at controlling humans, and all at the hand of aliens living among us! A paranoid Nada is now on an unstoppable path for answers: he’s here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and unfortunately for the ghoul-like aliens, he’s all out of bubblegum.

No-one does 80’s style B-movie classics quite like John Carpenter. A Sorry I’m Late.com favourite, Carpenter here, as always, has a message to deliver – this one about corruption, commercialism and 80’s style excess. His throwbacks to 1950’s paranoia themed movies, such as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, are evident – even down to the out-and-out cheesy special effects (Go, flying saucer, go!). Sublimely slow paced and low-key, They Live is probably Carpenter’s most intelligently written observation of the times (still relevant, perhaps?), but don’t let that fool you – this movie has enough silly B-movie shenanigans to make a truly entertaining feature. What may said shenanigans be, you ask? Well…

– One liner’s? Hell yeah.

– Killer, low budget action set pieces? Umm, yup.

– Piper giving the finger to the aliens in one final act of defiance? It’s right here.

– And the final coup de grace of awesome, when Nada’s only ally (perennial bad-ass Keith David) won’t wear the sunglasses, what happens? A five and a half minute fistfight, that’s what. Awesome. Definitely a moment of filmic significance, even parodied on South Park’s Cripple Fight episode, blow for blow.

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