Top 10 Movie Posters of 2009

This article was published on the original Sorry I’m Late.com in 2010.

Luke Miksa's: The Negative Space Bar

‘Tis the season everyone.

‘Tis the season for every blog writing degenerate within reach of a keyboard to compile their lists of the best and worst of the year that was. This is my first effort – would you expect any less?

In a year filled with mostly mediocre to disappointing blockbusters and tent-poles, we saw many great films slip under the radar – a few of those even doing some serious box office damage. The same can be said about this year’s range of posters – generally bland and cookie-cutter, with a few tasty morsels spread throughout. Let us begin…

10
Observe and Report

Observe and Report

We begin with these two posters (Yeah two posters, big whoop, wanna fight about it?) for Seth Rogen’s underrated and decidedly not-mainstream Observe & Report. It makes me smile and it’s a clever idea for a set of posters.

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9
The Girlfriend Experience

The Girlfriend Experience

Extremely cool pop-art styled poster and the first appearance of two in this list from Steven Soderburgh. I see it more as a piece of art as opposed to a medium that is designed to get asses into seats. Top marks for the risqué tagline and barcode. The art fiend in me appreciates the design, but the male in me wonders what it would be like to have sex with a pornstar.

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Top 10 Vampire Movies You Should See Instead Of Twilight: New Moon

This article was published on the original Sorry I’m Late.com in 2009.

Luke Miksa's: The Negative Space Bar

Count Von Count

Count Von Count: Loving lists.

I’m always one to jump on fads, hence a section of this website dedicated to lists (geez, no-one’s done THAT on a blog or website before), but there is one fad I simply cannot buy into – the current trend of super-pussified, sensitive vampires. TwilightThe Vampire Chronicles, etc do nothing to add to the lasting legacy of vampire fiction, on the contrary they actually drag it down.

Take the great vampires characters of all time; Count Orlok, Count Dracula, Lestat de Lioncourt. Edward Cullen? Methinks not. Vampires vaporise and die in direct sunlight, they don’t sparkle beautifully.

With that being said, and seeing the imminent release of the new Twilight film, New Moon, is just around the corner, allow me to present to you the Top 10 Vampire Films You Should See Instead Of Twilight: New Moon.

Honourable Mentions

Nosferatu (1922): Arguably the single most influential vampire tale ever put to film; Nosferatu misses out on the list simply because I would like to make the list a more contemporary one. And it’s in the public domain, so go ahead and download it without fear of SWAT busting through your door.

Universal and Hammer: Out of the list once again for contemporary reasons, both Universal Studios and Hammer Horror series of films sparked vampiric interest in the 1930’s and the 1960’s respectively, and portrayals of Dracula by both Béla Lugosi and Christopher Lee are iconic still to this day.

Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995): Deep in the period of Leslie Nielsen’s career where the dead horse was well and truly beaten, but I still like it. It’s not good, but it’s still Mel Brooks, dammit.

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10
Salem’s Lot (1979)

Salem's Lot

Ok, technically not a theatrically released film but a two part mini-series, Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot deserves a spot on the list by simply by being so influential to later 1980’s ‘suburban vampire’ tales (some of which appear here, how exciting), and also being the source of the super-creepy, Nosferatu inspired, Kurt Barlow. And it also stars Hutch himself, TV’s David Soul – awesome! There is also a 2004 remake starring Rob Lowe and Rutger Hauer, which I own but have not yet watched.

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9
Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994)

Interview With The Vampire

Starring the super-hunky vampire trifecta of Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas comes Anne Rice’s primary tale in her Vampire Chronicles saga – a saga which Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series is a dubious bastardisation of, thematically. A gloomy, gothic and violent tale, this is one that does not shy away from the brutal characteristics of vampires but also shows the dark, romantic and beautiful sides of these same creatures. Like Twilight but, you know, not lame. But stay away from sequel Queen of the Damned – it sucks balls.

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Top 10 Auxiliary Star Wars Characters

This article was published on the original Sorry I’m Late.com in 2009.

Luke Miksa's: The Negative Space Bar

Thank you, Internet.

Thank you, Internet.

The Star Wars movie universe is full of diverse and interesting characters. When you add with that the ostensibly endless and grandiose expanded universe, even the most rudimentary and meaningless characters have far more depth than they really need or deserve.
With that being said let me bring to you the Top Ten Auxiliary Star Wars Characters (just movies; not Expanded Universe. If I did Expanded Universe you know that I’d include Dash Rendar. Heck yep!) that serve no real plot purpose per se, but are memorable in their own special ways. Onward reading waits…

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10
Ponda Baba

Ponda Baba

Ponda Baba, why so needlessly aggressive? Baba and his accomplice Dr. Evazan try to pick a fight with a fresh-faced Luke Skywalker in the Mos Eisley Cantina, with a translating Evazan warning Skywalker, “He doesn’t like you. I don’t like you either!” When the situation escalates, Obi-Wan’s light-sabre quickly takes care of the two gentlemen with ‘a death sentence on twelve systems’. Ponda Baba’s arm shall be missed, and this was the first example of bitches getting pwned by Jedi.

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9
Max Rebo

Max Rebo

The leader of the eponymous Max Rebo Band; the performers at Jabba’s Palace in Return of the Jedi. Memorable because the character design is honestly so simple and rushed looking that a soft, blue elephant-looking thing appears a bit odd compared to other cool creatures in the scene, such as the Gamorrean guards. Along with compatriots Sy Snootles and Droopy McCool (I’m not making these names up) the band performed the awesome song Lapti Nek which was replaced by a horrendous CG fest in the 1997 Special Edition. Boo-urns to that. (more…)

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